Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
