what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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