Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Houston, we have a squirter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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