I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
