I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
