Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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