Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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