took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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