I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
