walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
