so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
