I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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