Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize