I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
