I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
