i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
