It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
