I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize