just come out here and I will go home with you...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize