Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize