The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
