i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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