You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
