I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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