Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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