i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
His nipple licking is glorious
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
