I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
