I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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