i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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