apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
