so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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