The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
