Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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