Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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