he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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