What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
