I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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