You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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