just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
