I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize