I will die if light touches me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
