the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
