just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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