Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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