No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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