If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
