I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Your cock deserves a montage
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
