I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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