I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
