Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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