I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
