i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
