No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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