I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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