His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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