i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
