I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
