Ketchup is God's man juice
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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