its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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